|Posted by S.N on November 18, 2017 at 6:35 PM|
November 18. 2017
Today I fully realized why I am still wearing the niqab (Face Cover) I Began wearing it my senior year (21 years old) for a religious purpose. I believe that being covered includes not only dressing modestly and covering your hair, but as well as your face, because it can attract attention. Whether you really believe you have an attractive face or not. I believed wearing it is an essential part of the whole meaning of covering.
I felt so much comfortable that after a few years my original reason slowly changed into this different dangerous territory. Mind-set wise it became from religious reason to mental and psychological peace of hiding my true identity from a racist society. Where being half Asian is a Taboo- (CULTURAL STORY). I slowly forgot why I wanted to wear it. The urge of it changed totally, even though my mind is set on why I chose to wear it; I still believe in my past thought.
But I have changed because of society again- I do not deny that society/media affects me. Now I like wearing it because I am hidden from their personal thoughts on me. Also, I am truly limited on what I can do because I don’t like to be in so much contrast with how I look.
Apparently I am not strong minded about my own thoughts and myself. And I am limited because I don’t want to be subjected to societies thoughts.
I came to Cardiff with that thought where being face covered will totally limit me again, so I didn’t wear it. But I discovered that Cardiff is not as bad as I painted it to be. So I can wear it back again-the niqab, right? but I didn’t! because I like how liberating it is to think I am capable of doing what I want to do without the restriction of my mind.
It is all in my head that I would look wrong and weird and out of place doing what others do while having my face covered; because I’ll be seen, talked about and worst documented and laughed at. And again, the majority of people don’t see face covered people doing normal things like ice skating and dancing.
I know that I am not courageous at all. because I still can’t do everything that I want to do whilst wearing the niqab in front of people. I still care what others think about me even if I keep saying I don’t care what others think of me in other aspects of my life. I feel that the term “face covered” is coined with the religious understanding that life activities isn’t important so you won’t see covered people having fun but only practicing religion. So certain things I like to do might offend the religious covered women, like being in an anime convention.
But why being covered means you are very religious? What made people think that.
I certainly don’t think that at all at this point, but then again, it is only proof that people have different thoughts about everything in life. My question is: Do I still want to wear it? I know I wore it with determination, but I also know I am always pumped with adrenalin and think I can defy people but afterwards I start to have second thoughts. And in my case: the second thoughts started after 6 years of wearing the niqab!
So what made me really change? Wanting to do what I want –which isn’t normally done by women with face cover? Wanting to blend in with other people? Or I just simply don’t want to wear it anymore?
I do remember at some point I was proud of wearing the niqab and defying people’s expectation of what women of face cover can’t do, but then it came to a point where I not only lost interest but confidence and vision.
The most confusing part is; I do want to wear it on only in Kuwait Malls! The sad part of it means that I don’t like people to judge me by my ethnicity, which is horrible because I am truly proud of who I am just not really ready to be subjected to bullies and racists. Which sums up that I am weak and that I am not wearing it anymore for a religious reason.
My concern for a while has been, how can I thrive successfully without having my face shown. I love make up and fashion, art and books. But in business you always need a face that can communicate with people. You need the Face that people are curious to see.
Why is success and moving towards it requires a face a representation?
Almost every successful business is thriving due to influencers and celebrities- well except the business in books and art.
How can I thrive while hiding my face, which is part of my identity?
There is no such thing as black and white color, what are are colors?
Colors are like the niqab in a way. Certain color means some kind of religion and the other means you’re liberal or normal, some colors means you’re otherling and some means you are mundane.
To use colors in life you consider the type, quantity and impact of it. Colors alone are harmless, but on people they are very effective.
How did the color change from being just a harmless color with some sort of an opinion to a whole idea and a controversial topic? How can colors be that much of an influence nowadays and how can we morph it to our use deign-wise in the future, how can we keep colors alive, when they are dying because they have to be linked to souls in order to have definition.
Colors are not solely colors unless they are given the right to see them for what they truly are.